Not that Mikh'tan would give voice to that. It was just the way of things- as a child he was in the shadow of the brother whose absence he'd been adopted to fill the void of. As an adult he was still found wanting. And as he was slowly learning that maybe it was alright that he didn't measure up to Alwin that it was alright to be himself-
Well now there was a whole new shadow looming ever larger and darker. And from what he understood it was cast by some... version of himself.
"He... well he's clearly not one to shy away from an adventure. Playful and maybe a bit reckless from Emet's huffing, but... he seems kind. Like he wants to help others, like he could make friends easily." The Miqo'te's gaze dropped to his hands. "Surely he's quite a bit more confident than I am."
"Mm, playful yes, confident not nearly as much as he should be. And what brought you here, if I may ask?"
It was complicated. Azem was one of the most powerful of them, in ways that even Emet-Selch could not match, but his power lay in different places than what one might expect.
"I don't mean the specifics, the parts that you can't talk about. But how you went on your journey."
"You'll think me foolish-" Ready to brush aside the idea, but brought up short because... who would Hythlodaeus tell? If all went as it should then no one outside this moment would hear what he said.
"I'd... hoped to earn my parent's love. It sounds positively trite said like that, but..." He trailed off a moment, considering the issue, what to explain, what to leave off. "They'd had and lost a son before. I suppose I was an attempt to fill that void. When I was... shy and nervous rather than brave and adventurous they... well they didn't hate me. I think that would be preferable in some ways. But they were simply indifferent to my existence. I hoped that by setting out perhaps they'd see something in me that was worth their affection."
He smiled, a small apologetic thing. "Fool's errand I know now. I should just go back home to my gardens. But I can... even if it's not some grand thing, if I can help just one person. If I can make one person's life better, even the smallest bit, surely it's worth it to continue on."
Hythlodaeus had to swallow away the tightening of his throat. It was a different story, but also achingly familiar.
He let out a soft breath.
"But you found love on the way, too, did you not? Not the love you were seeking, but love all the same?"
At least Hythlodaeus hoped so.
Another breath.
"Mischief is how Azem deals with the sadness, with missing the people he misses, with the memory of the ones he couldn't save. The adventure... It really is looking for the one person nobody else can save."
And, with as much time as the three of them had had together, he knew that Emet-Selch's frustration with him was really another form of attention, of affection. Important for them both.
"I... I did, yes." And lost it, the downward twitch of ears seemed to say, for all he wasn't about to say as much aloud.
"Admittedly I'm... not sure how to deal with those same things. I keep going, because I can, and if I can, I should if I'm to make any sort of difference..." Mikka sighed softly, relaxing ever so slightly against Hythlodaeus' side. Whatever troubles he had, he was indeed taking comfort from the other's presence, that much was clear. "And it's not like I dislike the traveling. Far from it, I simply wish maybe the circumstances could be better."
"Mm." Softly. "There are many things that each of us has to figure out for ourselves. And I do not know how old you are, but we have had some time to find our own answers."
Hythlodaeus hesitated, but one hand reached up towards the oh-so-expressive ears. Thes he paused.
"Oh I think... twenty-two summers?" It was the best guess anyways. Off by maybe one but close enough that he wasn't too concerned. And Hythlodaeus did have a point... things did take time, why wouldn't learning to cope be one of those things?
The request for permission made him pause. He shouldn't... but it was so much easier to allow when he was already nestled in against the man's side, so he just offered a small nod in response.
Hythlodaeus brushed his fingers over the soft fur of one ear, then, guided by instinct and a pinch of his sight, he moved the fingertips to the base and scratched lightly.
"Then you have time, so long as you hold on to your time. You can figure out who is there to keep, and how to deal with those who have slipped away, one way or another."
Live, my friend. Live, and learn, and seek out the slivers of happiness that life can allow.
It might be a bit amusing, the way the little Miqo'te just seemed to utterly melt for the feeling of fingers against his ears. A soft sigh slipping from him, a faint little nod offered in return for Hythlodaeus' advice as Mikh'tan shifted ever so slightly as if he could burrow in all the closer.
Oh... Hythlodaeus's arm did tighten, and the tentative touch on those ears becaume a little more certain, though still soft.
"Oh, my friend. How long have you been so terribly lonely?"
He was not as attune to emotions as Meteion, but between what he could see, and the reactions, as well as his familiarity with Azem - it was not difficult to draw his conclusions.
It wasn't a difficult conclusion to make, not with how readily Mikh'tan tilted his head inot that touch, just utterly soft for the attention, the comfort of the arm around him and that sweetly kind tone.
And part of him wanted to deny. To assure Hythlodaeus that surely it wasn't that bad. But... it was true. And he didn't have it in him to lie about it, not when asked so directly, a watery little chuckle slipping from him.
"As... long as I can remember." He admitted finally, voice soft and small.
"Oh... oh, my friend." Softly, and Hythlodaeus's arm tightened a little around the smaller figure, protectively.
"It truly should not be like that. While the people who you grew up with did not do this, there are many others who would, if they could but see how needed it is. Whether in friendship, or something else...
"But, never mind that. You are here now, and you can have it as often as you wish, so long as we don't end up offending the sensibilities of others."
Probably public displays would not be met with great enthusiasm. But even with official business, they would not always be in public.
Mikka couldn't help but burrow ever so slightly more securely into Hythlodaeus's embrace at that shift. A faint purr starting up again, a quiet thing but then he was generally a soft-spoken sort it seemed.
He couldn't help a faint huff of a sightly less upset-sounding chuckle at the offer. "I think... the problem is that 'as often as I wish' is near-enough to 'always' if I'm being honest."
Lonely, and starved for affection as he was, it was likely little surprise, no matter how apologetic he sounded over it.
"I see." Softly, and there was no complaint or objections, since he knew that was not what his new friend needed, quite the opposite, in fact.
"Mm... That will become complicated when you have finished your work here and have to return. Perhaps you will be able to find others who would be willing to give this? I surely cannot be the only one feeling this is good, all around."
Because it did feel good to him, and he was rather certain that, romantic or not, there would be many people who loved, and who would love, Mikh'tan.
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Not that Mikh'tan would give voice to that. It was just the way of things- as a child he was in the shadow of the brother whose absence he'd been adopted to fill the void of. As an adult he was still found wanting. And as he was slowly learning that maybe it was alright that he didn't measure up to Alwin that it was alright to be himself-
Well now there was a whole new shadow looming ever larger and darker. And from what he understood it was cast by some... version of himself.
"He... well he's clearly not one to shy away from an adventure. Playful and maybe a bit reckless from Emet's huffing, but... he seems kind. Like he wants to help others, like he could make friends easily." The Miqo'te's gaze dropped to his hands. "Surely he's quite a bit more confident than I am."
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It was complicated. Azem was one of the most powerful of them, in ways that even Emet-Selch could not match, but his power lay in different places than what one might expect.
"I don't mean the specifics, the parts that you can't talk about. But how you went on your journey."
no subject
"I'd... hoped to earn my parent's love. It sounds positively trite said like that, but..." He trailed off a moment, considering the issue, what to explain, what to leave off. "They'd had and lost a son before. I suppose I was an attempt to fill that void. When I was... shy and nervous rather than brave and adventurous they... well they didn't hate me. I think that would be preferable in some ways. But they were simply indifferent to my existence. I hoped that by setting out perhaps they'd see something in me that was worth their affection."
He smiled, a small apologetic thing. "Fool's errand I know now. I should just go back home to my gardens. But I can... even if it's not some grand thing, if I can help just one person. If I can make one person's life better, even the smallest bit, surely it's worth it to continue on."
no subject
Hythlodaeus had to swallow away the tightening of his throat. It was a different story, but also achingly familiar.
He let out a soft breath.
"But you found love on the way, too, did you not? Not the love you were seeking, but love all the same?"
At least Hythlodaeus hoped so.
Another breath.
"Mischief is how Azem deals with the sadness, with missing the people he misses, with the memory of the ones he couldn't save. The adventure... It really is looking for the one person nobody else can save."
And, with as much time as the three of them had had together, he knew that Emet-Selch's frustration with him was really another form of attention, of affection. Important for them both.
no subject
"Admittedly I'm... not sure how to deal with those same things. I keep going, because I can, and if I can, I should if I'm to make any sort of difference..." Mikka sighed softly, relaxing ever so slightly against Hythlodaeus' side. Whatever troubles he had, he was indeed taking comfort from the other's presence, that much was clear. "And it's not like I dislike the traveling. Far from it, I simply wish maybe the circumstances could be better."
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Hythlodaeus hesitated, but one hand reached up towards the oh-so-expressive ears. Thes he paused.
"May I?"
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The request for permission made him pause. He shouldn't... but it was so much easier to allow when he was already nestled in against the man's side, so he just offered a small nod in response.
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Hythlodaeus brushed his fingers over the soft fur of one ear, then, guided by instinct and a pinch of his sight, he moved the fingertips to the base and scratched lightly.
"Then you have time, so long as you hold on to your time. You can figure out who is there to keep, and how to deal with those who have slipped away, one way or another."
Live, my friend. Live, and learn, and seek out the slivers of happiness that life can allow.
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"Oh, my friend. How long have you been so terribly lonely?"
He was not as attune to emotions as Meteion, but between what he could see, and the reactions, as well as his familiarity with Azem - it was not difficult to draw his conclusions.
no subject
And part of him wanted to deny. To assure Hythlodaeus that surely it wasn't that bad. But... it was true. And he didn't have it in him to lie about it, not when asked so directly, a watery little chuckle slipping from him.
"As... long as I can remember." He admitted finally, voice soft and small.
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"It truly should not be like that. While the people who you grew up with did not do this, there are many others who would, if they could but see how needed it is. Whether in friendship, or something else...
"But, never mind that. You are here now, and you can have it as often as you wish, so long as we don't end up offending the sensibilities of others."
Probably public displays would not be met with great enthusiasm. But even with official business, they would not always be in public.
no subject
He couldn't help a faint huff of a sightly less upset-sounding chuckle at the offer. "I think... the problem is that 'as often as I wish' is near-enough to 'always' if I'm being honest."
Lonely, and starved for affection as he was, it was likely little surprise, no matter how apologetic he sounded over it.
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"Mm... That will become complicated when you have finished your work here and have to return. Perhaps you will be able to find others who would be willing to give this? I surely cannot be the only one feeling this is good, all around."
Because it did feel good to him, and he was rather certain that, romantic or not, there would be many people who loved, and who would love, Mikh'tan.