It wasn't common for Azem to slip into moods like this. But when he did, it was entirely like him to hide it from others. Behind his usual bravado, perhaps a bit more reckless than usual until either Hythlodaeus or Emet-Selch bullied him into dealing with whatever was troubling him. It seemed no different in Mikh'tan, though he seemed more to hide such things behind a shy, sweet demeanor more than anything.
He didn't notice Hythlodaeus approaching, or the muf being set near him until he spoke up, and the man could likely see the way the Miqo'te started visibly, pulling a small smile from the aether as quick as a blink, for all the other had certainly seen the pensive, troubled look from before.
"Oh! Hythlodaeus, I didn't... you all aren't waiting on me are you?" He set his pen and paper aside, gingerly taking up the offered tea.
"Heh, heh, you don't need to worry. We'd have come find you in force if we were waiting." Hythlodaeus settled comfortably nearby, a small smile on his lips.
"No, I was just wondering if a little company wouldn't do you good."
He was used to the people he loved not actually coming up and saying what they needed. So he had become, even if he thought so himself, rather adept at discerning what that might be.
"Oh true. I suppose Emet wouldn't have the patience to wait on me overlong, would he?" Mikka mused, taking a slow sip of tea. "He'd be grumbling and grousing as he came looking to drag me off by my ear."
He'd never one to share emotions. Not those beyond positive things, things that might worry or burden others. He'd learned early on that those things didn't... matter. And once they did, he couldn't. Not if he wanted to keep everyone's spirits up.
It meant he was a bit startled by Hythlodaeus' offer, a bit off-guard by being on this side of the equation for once.
"Oh, I was just..." He sighed softly, shaking his head. "I suppose it doesn't really matter at this point."
"Ah, you need not worry too much. It would take something of great urgency for him to do that, you know. For all his grumbling, he's understanding and kind." Hythlodaeus shook his head slightly.
"Why would what steals your thoughts not matter, hmm? I know some of the observers here might not think of that with a 'familiar,' but I have the feeling that what troubles you is never a trifling matter."
Azem's heart was ever as large as the sky. All he met fit in it, and if it was troubled, then comfort truly might be the best idea. Though the reaction made Hythlodaeus's heart tighten slightly. This shy hiding away, what must he have been through, to be aching so?
"In his gruff way." Mikh'tan agreed with a thin little smile, though it faded quick enough when his thoughts drifted to the unfinished letter.
"How could it not be trifling? A thing that only affects me in the face of-" He cut off, the fingers of his free hand drifting over the page, smearing a couple just-drying letters. "It's not a thing with a solution to be found here."
Hythlodaeus gave a small smile. Emet-Selch had his own ways and only knowing him would help understand. But that was not what was troubling Mikh'tan.
"Finding a solution may be the best way to deal with things, but, sometimes, solutions are not readily available. Sharing your time with others, I know, will help a little. You don't even have to tell me what it is. Only let me be close."
He meant it, too.
"For where you are, is not sitting close with someone comforting? Does not touch relieve concern, at least for a little while?"
Emet-Selch was not the kind of person who would readily accept affection in public, so Hythlodaeus had taught himself to not make things harder for him, even back when he was Hades only. But Azem had ever been different.
He wanted that. It was plain to see in the twitch of ears that he wanted so badly to be able to sink into the comfort of touch, of simple affection. But if he did... he feared what would happen should he allow himself that give. That the dam may break and he would be consumed by everything that he had to deal with. Hythlodaeus might not be privy to his thoughts, but it was likely clear enough in his posture.
"I... shouldn't impose on you. Not any more than I already am..." He didn't sound convinced even as he said it, whatever the case. It was clear enough that Hythlodaeus was absolutely correct in his assumption.
Oh no. The ears were absolutely charming. Hythlodaeus blinked for a moment, then smiled and shifted closer, opening an arm to invite the not-very-different-from-Azem-not-quite-Azem close.
"Mikh'tan, how can you be imposing when I'm offering? It's all right to want, and to have, things for yourself, too, you realize."
He truly wanted to help. There was so much that Mikh'tan was not saying, probably couldn't say, and the heartache, from this close, the missing of someone, or some people, they were plain to see.
"Let it be all right, just for a little while. Even if you've only known me a very short while."
Not that he gave voice to the thought. Not with Hythlodaeus so kindly offering what he did dearly want and need in that moment. A soft huff slipping from him as he gently set the tea aside so it wouldn't be spilled before he was shifting on their little perch into the offer of that embrace. Just wanting to nestle right in if he was so allowed like it seemed he would be.
It absolutely was all right, and Hythlodaeus smiles approvingly as he wraps his arm around the slender shoulders, palm closing comfortingly over the upper arm, then rubbing a little.
"It's different with Emet-Selch - he was ever a less sociable kind of person, and becoming part of the Convocation meant he put a little more stock on formality. But with Azem, it has always been different, especially in private. There are always things he can't quite put into words, or has reasons not to tell, but this, I can give."
Mikh'tan felt... better at the feel of the arm around him. Just leaning in against Hythlodaeus' side, taking comfort in the solid presence.
"Yeah I... got that impression. They both seem... well, I can see why you're friends with them." Both from the time he'd spent around Emet, both here and back home, as well as the stories he'd heard of Azem, the fond way even Emet seemed to speak of him with, no matter the annoyance he complained with.
As it was, he still didn't feel he was... surely they had been mistaken on assuming him to be part of Azem.
Hythlodaeus was quiet for a moment, eyes half-closed and attention properly on the person he was holding, and then he hummed.
"I get the feeling that you have some... questions about me thinking you are who I say you are."
He considered that for a moment. "Well, I don't know how, I only know it is true. Your soul's aether is the exact same color, but also who you are reminds me," reminded them, Hythlodaeus was sure, but he knew better than to prod Emet-Selch at this time, "without the shadow of a doubt, of our friend. He believes... no, he knows that the star has so many places that need help, and he can help. And if he has to carry some things by himself, then so be it."
It was deceptively easy to just sink into the warmth of Hythlodaeus' embrace. Mikh'tan couldn't recall the last time he'd been simply held like this. It had been... too long, and he was loathe to do anything to disrupt the moment.
"I don't... know how I can be them. Or like them, I suppose. Just the way everyone talks about Azem, I'm..." He huffed softly, tail curling around his side as if in uncertain self-soothing. "Surely I can't measure up to someone like that."
Hythlodaeus considered that for a moment, then tightened his arm slightly.
"So you take the way we see your soul as Azem's as having to live up to him." A slight head-shake. "It's not like that. Not in the least because we know Azem... hmm. Will you tell me what you think of him, this far? What you think 'someone like that' is like..."
Because one couldn't help improve the impression - and by improve, he meant bring it closer to the truth - unless he knew where he was starting from.
Not that Mikh'tan would give voice to that. It was just the way of things- as a child he was in the shadow of the brother whose absence he'd been adopted to fill the void of. As an adult he was still found wanting. And as he was slowly learning that maybe it was alright that he didn't measure up to Alwin that it was alright to be himself-
Well now there was a whole new shadow looming ever larger and darker. And from what he understood it was cast by some... version of himself.
"He... well he's clearly not one to shy away from an adventure. Playful and maybe a bit reckless from Emet's huffing, but... he seems kind. Like he wants to help others, like he could make friends easily." The Miqo'te's gaze dropped to his hands. "Surely he's quite a bit more confident than I am."
"Mm, playful yes, confident not nearly as much as he should be. And what brought you here, if I may ask?"
It was complicated. Azem was one of the most powerful of them, in ways that even Emet-Selch could not match, but his power lay in different places than what one might expect.
"I don't mean the specifics, the parts that you can't talk about. But how you went on your journey."
"You'll think me foolish-" Ready to brush aside the idea, but brought up short because... who would Hythlodaeus tell? If all went as it should then no one outside this moment would hear what he said.
"I'd... hoped to earn my parent's love. It sounds positively trite said like that, but..." He trailed off a moment, considering the issue, what to explain, what to leave off. "They'd had and lost a son before. I suppose I was an attempt to fill that void. When I was... shy and nervous rather than brave and adventurous they... well they didn't hate me. I think that would be preferable in some ways. But they were simply indifferent to my existence. I hoped that by setting out perhaps they'd see something in me that was worth their affection."
He smiled, a small apologetic thing. "Fool's errand I know now. I should just go back home to my gardens. But I can... even if it's not some grand thing, if I can help just one person. If I can make one person's life better, even the smallest bit, surely it's worth it to continue on."
Hythlodaeus had to swallow away the tightening of his throat. It was a different story, but also achingly familiar.
He let out a soft breath.
"But you found love on the way, too, did you not? Not the love you were seeking, but love all the same?"
At least Hythlodaeus hoped so.
Another breath.
"Mischief is how Azem deals with the sadness, with missing the people he misses, with the memory of the ones he couldn't save. The adventure... It really is looking for the one person nobody else can save."
And, with as much time as the three of them had had together, he knew that Emet-Selch's frustration with him was really another form of attention, of affection. Important for them both.
"I... I did, yes." And lost it, the downward twitch of ears seemed to say, for all he wasn't about to say as much aloud.
"Admittedly I'm... not sure how to deal with those same things. I keep going, because I can, and if I can, I should if I'm to make any sort of difference..." Mikka sighed softly, relaxing ever so slightly against Hythlodaeus' side. Whatever troubles he had, he was indeed taking comfort from the other's presence, that much was clear. "And it's not like I dislike the traveling. Far from it, I simply wish maybe the circumstances could be better."
"Mm." Softly. "There are many things that each of us has to figure out for ourselves. And I do not know how old you are, but we have had some time to find our own answers."
Hythlodaeus hesitated, but one hand reached up towards the oh-so-expressive ears. Thes he paused.
"Oh I think... twenty-two summers?" It was the best guess anyways. Off by maybe one but close enough that he wasn't too concerned. And Hythlodaeus did have a point... things did take time, why wouldn't learning to cope be one of those things?
The request for permission made him pause. He shouldn't... but it was so much easier to allow when he was already nestled in against the man's side, so he just offered a small nod in response.
Hythlodaeus brushed his fingers over the soft fur of one ear, then, guided by instinct and a pinch of his sight, he moved the fingertips to the base and scratched lightly.
"Then you have time, so long as you hold on to your time. You can figure out who is there to keep, and how to deal with those who have slipped away, one way or another."
Live, my friend. Live, and learn, and seek out the slivers of happiness that life can allow.
It might be a bit amusing, the way the little Miqo'te just seemed to utterly melt for the feeling of fingers against his ears. A soft sigh slipping from him, a faint little nod offered in return for Hythlodaeus' advice as Mikh'tan shifted ever so slightly as if he could burrow in all the closer.
Oh... Hythlodaeus's arm did tighten, and the tentative touch on those ears becaume a little more certain, though still soft.
"Oh, my friend. How long have you been so terribly lonely?"
He was not as attune to emotions as Meteion, but between what he could see, and the reactions, as well as his familiarity with Azem - it was not difficult to draw his conclusions.
It wasn't a difficult conclusion to make, not with how readily Mikh'tan tilted his head inot that touch, just utterly soft for the attention, the comfort of the arm around him and that sweetly kind tone.
And part of him wanted to deny. To assure Hythlodaeus that surely it wasn't that bad. But... it was true. And he didn't have it in him to lie about it, not when asked so directly, a watery little chuckle slipping from him.
"As... long as I can remember." He admitted finally, voice soft and small.
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He didn't notice Hythlodaeus approaching, or the muf being set near him until he spoke up, and the man could likely see the way the Miqo'te started visibly, pulling a small smile from the aether as quick as a blink, for all the other had certainly seen the pensive, troubled look from before.
"Oh! Hythlodaeus, I didn't... you all aren't waiting on me are you?" He set his pen and paper aside, gingerly taking up the offered tea.
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"No, I was just wondering if a little company wouldn't do you good."
He was used to the people he loved not actually coming up and saying what they needed. So he had become, even if he thought so himself, rather adept at discerning what that might be.
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He'd never one to share emotions. Not those beyond positive things, things that might worry or burden others. He'd learned early on that those things didn't... matter. And once they did, he couldn't. Not if he wanted to keep everyone's spirits up.
It meant he was a bit startled by Hythlodaeus' offer, a bit off-guard by being on this side of the equation for once.
"Oh, I was just..." He sighed softly, shaking his head. "I suppose it doesn't really matter at this point."
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"Why would what steals your thoughts not matter, hmm? I know some of the observers here might not think of that with a 'familiar,' but I have the feeling that what troubles you is never a trifling matter."
Azem's heart was ever as large as the sky. All he met fit in it, and if it was troubled, then comfort truly might be the best idea. Though the reaction made Hythlodaeus's heart tighten slightly. This shy hiding away, what must he have been through, to be aching so?
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"How could it not be trifling? A thing that only affects me in the face of-" He cut off, the fingers of his free hand drifting over the page, smearing a couple just-drying letters. "It's not a thing with a solution to be found here."
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"Finding a solution may be the best way to deal with things, but, sometimes, solutions are not readily available. Sharing your time with others, I know, will help a little. You don't even have to tell me what it is. Only let me be close."
He meant it, too.
"For where you are, is not sitting close with someone comforting? Does not touch relieve concern, at least for a little while?"
Emet-Selch was not the kind of person who would readily accept affection in public, so Hythlodaeus had taught himself to not make things harder for him, even back when he was Hades only. But Azem had ever been different.
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"I... shouldn't impose on you. Not any more than I already am..." He didn't sound convinced even as he said it, whatever the case. It was clear enough that Hythlodaeus was absolutely correct in his assumption.
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"Mikh'tan, how can you be imposing when I'm offering? It's all right to want, and to have, things for yourself, too, you realize."
He truly wanted to help. There was so much that Mikh'tan was not saying, probably couldn't say, and the heartache, from this close, the missing of someone, or some people, they were plain to see.
"Let it be all right, just for a little while. Even if you've only known me a very short while."
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Not that he gave voice to the thought. Not with Hythlodaeus so kindly offering what he did dearly want and need in that moment. A soft huff slipping from him as he gently set the tea aside so it wouldn't be spilled before he was shifting on their little perch into the offer of that embrace. Just wanting to nestle right in if he was so allowed like it seemed he would be.
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"It's different with Emet-Selch - he was ever a less sociable kind of person, and becoming part of the Convocation meant he put a little more stock on formality. But with Azem, it has always been different, especially in private. There are always things he can't quite put into words, or has reasons not to tell, but this, I can give."
To Azem. To Mikh'tan.
Yes, this is perfectly fine.
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"Yeah I... got that impression. They both seem... well, I can see why you're friends with them." Both from the time he'd spent around Emet, both here and back home, as well as the stories he'd heard of Azem, the fond way even Emet seemed to speak of him with, no matter the annoyance he complained with.
As it was, he still didn't feel he was... surely they had been mistaken on assuming him to be part of Azem.
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"I get the feeling that you have some... questions about me thinking you are who I say you are."
He considered that for a moment. "Well, I don't know how, I only know it is true. Your soul's aether is the exact same color, but also who you are reminds me," reminded them, Hythlodaeus was sure, but he knew better than to prod Emet-Selch at this time, "without the shadow of a doubt, of our friend. He believes... no, he knows that the star has so many places that need help, and he can help. And if he has to carry some things by himself, then so be it."
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"I don't... know how I can be them. Or like them, I suppose. Just the way everyone talks about Azem, I'm..." He huffed softly, tail curling around his side as if in uncertain self-soothing. "Surely I can't measure up to someone like that."
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Hythlodaeus considered that for a moment, then tightened his arm slightly.
"So you take the way we see your soul as Azem's as having to live up to him." A slight head-shake. "It's not like that. Not in the least because we know Azem... hmm. Will you tell me what you think of him, this far? What you think 'someone like that' is like..."
Because one couldn't help improve the impression - and by improve, he meant bring it closer to the truth - unless he knew where he was starting from.
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Not that Mikh'tan would give voice to that. It was just the way of things- as a child he was in the shadow of the brother whose absence he'd been adopted to fill the void of. As an adult he was still found wanting. And as he was slowly learning that maybe it was alright that he didn't measure up to Alwin that it was alright to be himself-
Well now there was a whole new shadow looming ever larger and darker. And from what he understood it was cast by some... version of himself.
"He... well he's clearly not one to shy away from an adventure. Playful and maybe a bit reckless from Emet's huffing, but... he seems kind. Like he wants to help others, like he could make friends easily." The Miqo'te's gaze dropped to his hands. "Surely he's quite a bit more confident than I am."
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It was complicated. Azem was one of the most powerful of them, in ways that even Emet-Selch could not match, but his power lay in different places than what one might expect.
"I don't mean the specifics, the parts that you can't talk about. But how you went on your journey."
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"I'd... hoped to earn my parent's love. It sounds positively trite said like that, but..." He trailed off a moment, considering the issue, what to explain, what to leave off. "They'd had and lost a son before. I suppose I was an attempt to fill that void. When I was... shy and nervous rather than brave and adventurous they... well they didn't hate me. I think that would be preferable in some ways. But they were simply indifferent to my existence. I hoped that by setting out perhaps they'd see something in me that was worth their affection."
He smiled, a small apologetic thing. "Fool's errand I know now. I should just go back home to my gardens. But I can... even if it's not some grand thing, if I can help just one person. If I can make one person's life better, even the smallest bit, surely it's worth it to continue on."
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Hythlodaeus had to swallow away the tightening of his throat. It was a different story, but also achingly familiar.
He let out a soft breath.
"But you found love on the way, too, did you not? Not the love you were seeking, but love all the same?"
At least Hythlodaeus hoped so.
Another breath.
"Mischief is how Azem deals with the sadness, with missing the people he misses, with the memory of the ones he couldn't save. The adventure... It really is looking for the one person nobody else can save."
And, with as much time as the three of them had had together, he knew that Emet-Selch's frustration with him was really another form of attention, of affection. Important for them both.
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"Admittedly I'm... not sure how to deal with those same things. I keep going, because I can, and if I can, I should if I'm to make any sort of difference..." Mikka sighed softly, relaxing ever so slightly against Hythlodaeus' side. Whatever troubles he had, he was indeed taking comfort from the other's presence, that much was clear. "And it's not like I dislike the traveling. Far from it, I simply wish maybe the circumstances could be better."
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Hythlodaeus hesitated, but one hand reached up towards the oh-so-expressive ears. Thes he paused.
"May I?"
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The request for permission made him pause. He shouldn't... but it was so much easier to allow when he was already nestled in against the man's side, so he just offered a small nod in response.
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Hythlodaeus brushed his fingers over the soft fur of one ear, then, guided by instinct and a pinch of his sight, he moved the fingertips to the base and scratched lightly.
"Then you have time, so long as you hold on to your time. You can figure out who is there to keep, and how to deal with those who have slipped away, one way or another."
Live, my friend. Live, and learn, and seek out the slivers of happiness that life can allow.
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"Oh, my friend. How long have you been so terribly lonely?"
He was not as attune to emotions as Meteion, but between what he could see, and the reactions, as well as his familiarity with Azem - it was not difficult to draw his conclusions.
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And part of him wanted to deny. To assure Hythlodaeus that surely it wasn't that bad. But... it was true. And he didn't have it in him to lie about it, not when asked so directly, a watery little chuckle slipping from him.
"As... long as I can remember." He admitted finally, voice soft and small.
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