[Aaah, that's better. Allow her to melt into the embrace, take a moment to breathe in and fill herself with his warmth, his touch and his scent. She definitely missed this.]
I might be staying a little longer this time. Mistress Venat has given me leave to not attend her for a little while.
[She almost never calls her 'Azem'. She never got into the habit, and Venat never insisted on it either, and so the personal name stuck.
She takes a step back to look up at him and... well, there's no two way about it, she might as well say it.]
On our trip this time she told me... she wants to retire from the Convocation to go do something else... and she wants to nominate me to take her place.
[She closes her eyes under the kiss, and lets out another sigh.]
... It's not like I wasn't expecting it. At some point. But not so soon. If she asked, it's because she thinks I am ready, but am I, really?
[And she hardly expected to be the first among them three friends to be asked such a thing.]
Besides, it's not like she is planning to reurn to the star when she retires. Her work is not done. She just does not think she can accomplish it while being on the Convocation.
[It is supposed to be a great honor and a momentous occasion to return to the star, of course, but... She shakes her head. Her years of journeying alongside her master have taught her many things, and one of those things is to ask uncomfortable questions that a lot of people here are not ready to hear.]
She is giving me time to think it over. But I cannot help thinking that every moment I delay my answer, I am keeping her from this work she deems so important that she would abandon her Convocation seat for it.
[No one has ever done that that she can remember. Never has a member of the convocation simply left their duty to go do something else.]
[ Hythlodaeus expected it. Hades is no less gifted or kind or hard-working than Achelois, but his temper and attitude make people recognize that slower. He is certain his time will come, too.
But that's neither here nor there. ]
Her example notwithstanding, to take up a Seat on the Convocation is still to commit to a path of unshakeable responsibility. Foreseeing it or not, this is not a step to take lightly, so her giving you time to consider is not simply a gesture.
[ ... he may have read more than her on that note. ]
While what she is choosing to do is rare, it is not entirely unique. Hence white robes being worn by those who have retired from office, not only Elidibus.
Mm... let me finish here a little, and we can go out for some food, the two or the three of us as you'd like. No life-changing decisions when you are travel-weary and likely hungry, hmm?
[ He pauses for a moment. ]
She is much older than any of us. Her perspective on time is different. Whatever she will be doing after, she will be needed for it, I am certain, but it is not urgent enough for her to step away from all else without caution.
When was the last time we have seen anyone in a white robe apart from Elidibus? Even Mistress Venat says she knows some will find it actively scandalous. Not that she cares, mind you, she'll do it all the same.
[But Hythlodaeus is not wrong. Mistress Venat has been around much longer than they have, and she sees things much farther than Achelois can even imagine.]
I will not say no to food. I could not really bring anything edible back this time.
[And she sounds a bit put upon about that. Truly nothing as funny as feeding Hades some of the stuff she brings back and making him admit he likes it.
Still she looks around, with that weird feeling under her skin again. Here, in this place that belongs to him, she feels welcome and home. But outside the walls, the city is starting to feel strange an alien.
She starts musing out loud almost without noticing.]
I wonder if this was the same for her, when she became Azem. If she also started to feel strange whenever she came back.
Well, some think that serving on the Convocation is the ultimate service to the Star. Forgetting that it really is not. It is a very important and hefty way to serve the Star, but - it is one way of infinitely many. And while few indeed are qualified enough to be a part of the Convocation, there are ways to help and make better that are suited for even fewer. So whoever thinks it scandalous is only showing off their own ambition. Not actually being correct. They would be speaking ill of themselves, and not of Azem.
[ He had a white-robed teacher, at one time. And there are some who do come to Amaurot, at least for a time.
But the question really was rhetorical, wasn't it?
Hythlodaeus catches the flicker in her aether, and tilts his head. While he truly does love cooking for her, right now he doesn't want the interruption that preparing the food would necessitate. ]
Mm. Or we can pick up something on the way and eat at my place. There is always the chance that Hades will come over, but he will probably have enough to say until a time you decide to tell him, and then he will be duly impressed.
[ ... and it occurs to him belatedly that perhaps he isn't acting all that impressed, but... truly, he's just concerned for Achelois. And wants to help.
He will finish quickly, setting his work in order - well, order for him - for tomorrow, and then step in to tuck his hand under her arm. ]
Only she can answer that. Meeeeanwhile, I can do my best to make that a good kind of strange. Ready?
You can say that because you have both feet firmly planted on the ground, unlike some, Hythlodaeus.
[He's not wrong, of course, and he is one of the few who would tell this very thing to people to their faces and probabyl not catch too much flak for it, because he is so nice that most people tend to forgive brutal honesty from him.]
I have not really dared ask her what she means to do next. To be honest, I cannot say that she knows herself for sure, but she means to find out. That has always been her way, after all.
[She nods distractedly at the offer to eat at his place instead of going out. It will be just as well. Hythlodaeus's house is one of the few places that still feel like home.]
Do you really think he'll be impressed? Or will he be cross at me for not jumping to the occasion immediately? Or else, if I had answered promptly, he would have berated me for making the decision too quickly, would he not? Really, whatever move I make, he'll find fault with it somehow, and he can only congratulate me after explaining to me all the ways I've gone wrong about this.
[This is how he is, after all, and it can be exhausting at times, and she is less and less inclined to let it slide when he starts doing it. But that's for his own good as well. People forgive Hades a lot because of his impressive gifts, but he truly hasn't made many friends in any of his appointment, with his absurd intolerance of mediocrity in any form.
But once Hylodaeus links arms with her, she leans against him as they walk, looking this way and that at the city and its buildings.]
It's been happening more and more, lately. I was born here, but I find myself... not wanting to come back. This place feels... small, and always looking inwards, and if you were not here, I don't think I would want to come back at all.
[She's been using her residence mostly as a storage unit for what she brings back and a library, but she spends most night at his place when she is in town these days.]
I wonder if this is why she asked me now. She cannot have missed it.
[ When going outside, Hythlodaeus does mask up again, and nudges her gently to do so as well if she is too distracted for it. But he also keeps holding on to her - and unless she voices a preference, he'll just pick the food and the route to it, not making her have to worry about it. Out there, he knows she has to think about so many aspects of what she does or doesn't do. So she can have a bit of a break, now.
He also smiles softly. ]
I know he will be impressed. And, because he won't be shocked into the news, I believe he won't put his foot in his mouth. He cares for you, scathing words and missteps notwithstanding.
[ The sweetest smiles he has seen on Hades's face are always for her, and Hythlodaeus is glad to see it.
The rest, however, makes Hythlodaeus eyes squeeze tight behind his mask, while his smile wavers a little. ]
I am sorry to hear that. But while you will be dearly, dearly missed while you are away, if you are happier away from Amaurot, then that is one of the things to do which will keep you from feeling cooped up.
[ And she is ever, ever welcome to him, to his place, for however long she is willing to stay.
... he is also ordering double dessert for both all of them. Just in case. ]
[She tends to forget to mask most times these days, since she doesn't usually do it much when she travels, and she grimaces but complies when he nudges her. For he rest, she is happy enough to follow his lead.]
I know he cares, but it wouldn't kill him to show a little bit of grace to the people who love him. It's like he is allegic to giving any kind of praise. he puts the bar so high for himself he forgets others cannot be expected to always be at his level.
[And Hythloadaeus in particulat deserves a lot more grace than their friend is giving him.
She may have noticed his reaction to her words, even without seeing his face, and she squeezes his arm.]
I would miss you terribly if I could not see you at all, so you can be assured I will always visit. I've just... lost this feeling of 'home' when I see this city now. Except when I come to see you. If I could just take me with you everywhere... But you have your own duties and I can't expect to be able to pull you from them on my whim. Still, one day, I would want to take you out there. The word is so vast, and there is so much to see, so many people to meet and learn from!
[And now her voice is more animated as she recalls this previous trip, and others before.]
I promise I won't make you look at all the sharks.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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I might be staying a little longer this time. Mistress Venat has given me leave to not attend her for a little while.
[She almost never calls her 'Azem'. She never got into the habit, and Venat never insisted on it either, and so the personal name stuck.
She takes a step back to look up at him and... well, there's no two way about it, she might as well say it.]
On our trip this time she told me... she wants to retire from the Convocation to go do something else... and she wants to nominate me to take her place.
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[ He holds on as long as she does, and his eyes are smiling - before they widen. ]
I... see.
[ After a moment, he leans in to press a soft kiss to her brow. ]
I am very curious about your thoughts on that, but I will let you collect them and tell them on your own, rather than asking.
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... It's not like I wasn't expecting it. At some point. But not so soon. If she asked, it's because she thinks I am ready, but am I, really?
[And she hardly expected to be the first among them three friends to be asked such a thing.]
Besides, it's not like she is planning to reurn to the star when she retires. Her work is not done. She just does not think she can accomplish it while being on the Convocation.
[It is supposed to be a great honor and a momentous occasion to return to the star, of course, but... She shakes her head. Her years of journeying alongside her master have taught her many things, and one of those things is to ask uncomfortable questions that a lot of people here are not ready to hear.]
She is giving me time to think it over. But I cannot help thinking that every moment I delay my answer, I am keeping her from this work she deems so important that she would abandon her Convocation seat for it.
[No one has ever done that that she can remember. Never has a member of the convocation simply left their duty to go do something else.]
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But that's neither here nor there. ]
Her example notwithstanding, to take up a Seat on the Convocation is still to commit to a path of unshakeable responsibility. Foreseeing it or not, this is not a step to take lightly, so her giving you time to consider is not simply a gesture.
[ ... he may have read more than her on that note. ]
While what she is choosing to do is rare, it is not entirely unique. Hence white robes being worn by those who have retired from office, not only Elidibus.
Mm... let me finish here a little, and we can go out for some food, the two or the three of us as you'd like. No life-changing decisions when you are travel-weary and likely hungry, hmm?
[ He pauses for a moment. ]
She is much older than any of us. Her perspective on time is different. Whatever she will be doing after, she will be needed for it, I am certain, but it is not urgent enough for her to step away from all else without caution.
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[But Hythlodaeus is not wrong. Mistress Venat has been around much longer than they have, and she sees things much farther than Achelois can even imagine.]
I will not say no to food. I could not really bring anything edible back this time.
[And she sounds a bit put upon about that. Truly nothing as funny as feeding Hades some of the stuff she brings back and making him admit he likes it.
Still she looks around, with that weird feeling under her skin again. Here, in this place that belongs to him, she feels welcome and home. But outside the walls, the city is starting to feel strange an alien.
She starts musing out loud almost without noticing.]
I wonder if this was the same for her, when she became Azem. If she also started to feel strange whenever she came back.
[Maybe she should just ask.]
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[ He had a white-robed teacher, at one time. And there are some who do come to Amaurot, at least for a time.
But the question really was rhetorical, wasn't it?
Hythlodaeus catches the flicker in her aether, and tilts his head. While he truly does love cooking for her, right now he doesn't want the interruption that preparing the food would necessitate. ]
Mm. Or we can pick up something on the way and eat at my place. There is always the chance that Hades will come over, but he will probably have enough to say until a time you decide to tell him, and then he will be duly impressed.
[ ... and it occurs to him belatedly that perhaps he isn't acting all that impressed, but... truly, he's just concerned for Achelois. And wants to help.
He will finish quickly, setting his work in order - well, order for him - for tomorrow, and then step in to tuck his hand under her arm. ]
Only she can answer that. Meeeeanwhile, I can do my best to make that a good kind of strange. Ready?
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[He's not wrong, of course, and he is one of the few who would tell this very thing to people to their faces and probabyl not catch too much flak for it, because he is so nice that most people tend to forgive brutal honesty from him.]
I have not really dared ask her what she means to do next. To be honest, I cannot say that she knows herself for sure, but she means to find out. That has always been her way, after all.
[She nods distractedly at the offer to eat at his place instead of going out. It will be just as well. Hythlodaeus's house is one of the few places that still feel like home.]
Do you really think he'll be impressed? Or will he be cross at me for not jumping to the occasion immediately? Or else, if I had answered promptly, he would have berated me for making the decision too quickly, would he not? Really, whatever move I make, he'll find fault with it somehow, and he can only congratulate me after explaining to me all the ways I've gone wrong about this.
[This is how he is, after all, and it can be exhausting at times, and she is less and less inclined to let it slide when he starts doing it. But that's for his own good as well. People forgive Hades a lot because of his impressive gifts, but he truly hasn't made many friends in any of his appointment, with his absurd intolerance of mediocrity in any form.
But once Hylodaeus links arms with her, she leans against him as they walk, looking this way and that at the city and its buildings.]
It's been happening more and more, lately. I was born here, but I find myself... not wanting to come back. This place feels... small, and always looking inwards, and if you were not here, I don't think I would want to come back at all.
[She's been using her residence mostly as a storage unit for what she brings back and a library, but she spends most night at his place when she is in town these days.]
I wonder if this is why she asked me now. She cannot have missed it.
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He also smiles softly. ]
I know he will be impressed. And, because he won't be shocked into the news, I believe he won't put his foot in his mouth. He cares for you, scathing words and missteps notwithstanding.
[ The sweetest smiles he has seen on Hades's face are always for her, and Hythlodaeus is glad to see it.
The rest, however, makes Hythlodaeus eyes squeeze tight behind his mask, while his smile wavers a little. ]
I am sorry to hear that. But while you will be dearly, dearly missed while you are away, if you are happier away from Amaurot, then that is one of the things to do which will keep you from feeling cooped up.
[ And she is ever, ever welcome to him, to his place, for however long she is willing to stay.
... he is also ordering double dessert for
bothall of them. Just in case. ]no subject
I know he cares, but it wouldn't kill him to show a little bit of grace to the people who love him. It's like he is allegic to giving any kind of praise. he puts the bar so high for himself he forgets others cannot be expected to always be at his level.
[And Hythloadaeus in particulat deserves a lot more grace than their friend is giving him.
She may have noticed his reaction to her words, even without seeing his face, and she squeezes his arm.]
I would miss you terribly if I could not see you at all, so you can be assured I will always visit. I've just... lost this feeling of 'home' when I see this city now. Except when I come to see you. If I could just take me with you everywhere... But you have your own duties and I can't expect to be able to pull you from them on my whim. Still, one day, I would want to take you out there. The word is so vast, and there is so much to see, so many people to meet and learn from!
[And now her voice is more animated as she recalls this previous trip, and others before.]
I promise I won't make you look at all the sharks.